There are 2 types of American workers, I’ve come to realize. The fortunate (or lucky) and the not. Here is what I mean: the fortunate ones land a good job or 2 throughout their life, maybe promote, get left alone (or are fully liked), get a raise every couple years, then retire after 30. I don’t begrudge them that AT ALL..if you fall into this category, please stop what you are doing right now and thank God.
The non-lucky on the other hand….always seem to have to swim upstream. Despite doing the correct things we are taught growing up (like being on time and doing your best everyday), do not get promoted, have to beg for raises, or worse ….their positive traits seem to be viewed negatively.
Guess which one I’ve fallen into the last 5-6 years? 😑
This current American work force is NOT the one of 30, or even 20 years ago. Employers and supervisors only see what they want to see. It makes me sick.
I’m extremely fortunate in my life in most ways….not work though.
Funny thing is, I’m not afraid of hard work.
I’m afraid of being a good employee that gets told I “lack initiative.” (True story.)
I’m afraid of being a good employee that wastes 20-30 years somewhere having to beg for bread crumbs.
I’m afraid of being a good employee that gets lied about, which essentially ruins careers. (True story.)
I’m afraid of being a good employee where nothing I do is good enough.
I’m afraid of not having a retirement.
I’m afraid of the fact that my family was/is a “work for the man” family, so I was never taught working for myself was an option.
I’m afraid of the neck pain, back pain, and crushing exhaustion I’ve dealt with for almost a year.
I’m afraid of the huge clump of hair I combed out last night.
I’m afraid of the nausea and insomnia I get thinking about going to work.
I’m afraid I may struggle with feelings of failure for a long time.
I’m afraid that it’s come to cord cutting. Seriously. To meet my man, I had to cut the dating and man cord. Then suddenly, he appeared. So, I am going to be cutting the employer/employee cord.
Maybe that will attract what I deserve in a job, maybe it won’t. All I know is that this loop, this 5-6 years of ridiculousness needs to go. I am not the cool kid, the popular kid, the person that skates by on looks. But what I am is a good person and good employee. I was raised to use my brain and work ethic and employers don’t want that anymore. That’s the nauseating part.
Those faithful few on my facebook know almost everything about this sad, but true, story. I’ll probably expand on it more here sometime.
I will be cutting the cord and making my own way. My life and my health depend on it.
In recent years, there has been a huge push to support people with mental health issues and diagnoses, which is amazing! We now have 988 for anyone to dial in case of a mental health emergency, which is similar to 911. Everyone matters; everyone should get the care and compassion they need, especially in this odd time we seem to be in. In my opinion, it doesn’t even need to be a licensed therapist or counselor. Most people just want to feel heard, and a friend, loved one, or heck, even someone on social media can listen. Maybe they have even went through the same thing.
Are you familiar with, or just know of, the DSM-5 TR? It’s the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, by the American Psychiatric Association. It is the most comprehensive, current, and critical resource for clinical practice available to mental health clinicians and researchers. It’s over 1100 pages long!
Almost 2 months ago, I began a new job with Gateway Foundation, who provides treatment for substance use disorder, which is in the DSM-5 TR. While I am not sure exactly when they were added, eating disorders are included. I always suspected some similarities between healing and recovery from addiction and eating disorders, but once I began reading some of the training material at work, I was blown away. Some basics include: in many cases, mental health goes hand-in-hand with both; willpower works for neither one; you hide it from others with both; you will lose friends upon recovery with both. Many of the same things help heal both: positive self-talk, self-care, finding interests, patience, spirituality, embracing your imperfections. Individuals with an eating disorder are more likely to use substances (sometimes to manage weight, but not always.)
According to a class on reliaslearning.com, feeding and eating disorders are among the most common psychiatric problems. They are often difficult to diagnose and many cases go undetected (no one knew about mine unless I told them, which I didn’t until I recovered fully.) They are associated with severe medical and psychological consequences including growth/developmental delays, osteoporosis, death. The mortality rate of eating disorders are among the highest of all mental health conditions, and both anorexia and bulimia have a high suicide rate.
As an eating disorders survivor, rather than a clinician, I have opinions and my own first-hand knowledge. I also have opinions on some reasons why we are in the mental health crisis we are in, but that is a separate topic for another time.
In my opinion and first-hand experience, I feel it can largely depend on the individual, but I’d say it’s an approximate 50/50. Meaning, approximately 50% mental health-related, and approximately 50% other factors. These other factors may include things such as: lack of adequate daily nutrition and caloric intake, societal “norms” and pressures, dieting culture and mentality. And I think at any given time, the ratio could ebb and flow. I also feel anorexia nervosa, once it gets past a certain point, is mostly a mental health issue rather than the other factors. While my first-hand experience is not mainly in anorexia, I have this opinion because once an individual gets deprived of nutrition long enough (and as a by-product gets thin enough), their brain could begin to function differently. And function less-than-optimally since the brain relies on adequate nutrition just like the rest of your body, which would definitely play into a mental health disorder/diagnosis.
The other side of this coin are the examples of bulimia nervosa, exercise bulimia, binge eating disorder (BED), and even orthorexia. I have experience with all of these except straight-up bulimia. From my personal experience, these do not begin as a mental health disorder, but rather a “diet,” a concern about personal health, or a cave to the societal pressure to look a specific way. I began exercising, which sped up my metabolism, which made me hungrier, but since I was “dieting” I withheld food. What happens next is your body fighting back because hunger and eating = primal survival instinct. So I’d binge then over-exercise the next day. Repeat endless cycle. Orthorexia is a newer diagnosis. For me, it began as a desire to eat healthy AND remove toxins/unnecessary food additives. But it quickly become a problem for me when I took in so much conflicting health research that I was afraid to even eat a banana (due to “sugar content”).
As a side note, I am unsure if these are in the DSM-5 TR, but I have also struggled with body dysmorphic disorder (BDD), and perfectionism. Perfectionism almost since birth! The #1 trait shared by most eating disorder sufferers is perfectionism, and personally I could envision that being a mental health problem, especially if it’s taken too far or it interferes with one’s daily living.
I share all this because, as I stated earlier, people matter! Happiness and mental health matters. Our compassion should not have “limits” imposed on it. Judgement should NOT be at play if someone is struggling. Or opens up about past struggles in order to possibly reach someone that needs help. If you knew someone was depressed, or even suicidal, would you think it’s appropriate to brush them off, or say something like, “stop doing X or Y and it’ll stop.” If you knew someone was a recovering substance abuser, would you brush them off, or offer them an alcoholic beverage? Or congratulate them? Or if you knew someone had an eating disorder, would you think it’s appropriate to say something like, “you just need to eat/stop eating X or X “diet” will cure you.” Lastly, if you found out any of your friends (in-person or social media friends) suffered or were survivors of, mental health issues, addiction, or eating disorders would you stop being friends with them? Or mock and laugh at them? From personal experience, you might be surprised at the answers to some of these questions. Those that know me, know I love asking questions that get you to THINK! 😊
Mental health issues, substance abuse, and eating disorders have a mortality rate. Let’s all take some time to do some soul searching. How compassionate are you? How connected do you feel to others? How connected do you see the world? Do you appreciate when others show compassion towards you?
I would love to see this world become a more compassion place, even if, for you, that means saying nothing at all instead of something unkind. Who’s with me?
Weird title, I know. You’ll see very quickly why I chose it.
The thing about me, first and foremost, is freedom. Specifically, medical freedom. Our freedoms period are being eroded, but I know of so many examples of people having to jump through hoops to get medical care. One example is someone I follow on Facebook, who had to fly 1300 miles away to get care. You do not have freedom if you do not have the freedom (over your body) to decide what medical treatment to use or not use.
Over many years, I slowly began researching more natural ways to resolve things. It began with recurring UTIs, probably 20 years ago. I knew on an intuitive level, without research, that you cannot just live on antibiotics forever. So, I slowly but surely learned more and more. I bought large books (they look like textbooks) that had various vitamin, mineral, herb, and tincture remedies for specific ailments. I loved it. I tried to eat very clean here and there, throughout the years, but that eventually made my rotation of eating disorders worse. I danced around this issue in a past blog post of mine which I’ll link below.
Several years ago, I came to the realization I was considered “crunchy.” That basically means you want to heal your own illnesses rather than go to a traditional Western medicine doctor. There’s also an element of “no one-size-fits-all” approach. In other words, a Western doctor would mainly prescribe a cookie cutter pill, whereas the crunchy thinking would be to maybe try eliminating a food you might be allergic to, then maybe a tincture. There is more to it than that, such as trying very hard to avoid toxins such as those in skincare, but that is the main premise. And I am very much still that way! Our healthcare (USA) has also gotten outrageously expensive, so there is definitely a financial incentive to heal yourself as well.
With that being said, I have never been a black and white thinker, and I love options. It’s great, in this modern society, to be able to research symptoms, solutions, treatments, maybe read articles on what has worked well for others, etc. It’s always possible that the remedy that worked for someone else may not work for you. Everyone is different. I am also very thankful for emergency care; a tincture is not going to work for a car accident victim for example. Or, maybe an ailment has gotten too severe and a doctor or hospital visit is needed for life-saving stabilization. Maybe someone just plain wants to use one type of treatment only…if you believe in freedom as I do, you understand that’s how it should be, whether you agree with their choice or not. And if they live, and are cured and health(ier), that should be all that matters.
The following are some examples of things I’ve heard, or seen on social media, that make me question how into freedom people actually are, and how much they value the health, safety, and healing of their friends and family: a FB post by someone stated, “there is NEVER a reason to get your wisdom teeth out, they are there for a reason,” and “EVERYONE gets wisdom teeth, even if not until you are 50 or 60 years old.” A gal mentioned having to get her wisdom teeth out, as they were so severely impacted they were becoming abscessed, active infection, and she couldn’t eat. The OP said something to the effect of “you were probably nutrient deficient, something in your diet caused that.” <insert eye roll> Others, like myself, mentioned knowing lots of people who will never get wisdom teeth; there is a genetic component. The OP blocked me over my “I know several people who will never get wisdom teeth” comment.
Another gal I know has admitted to struggling with pretty highly elevated blood pressure. She kept trying and trying different natural remedies to no avail. Kept getting migraines. Finally, one morning, asked for prayers as she was headed to the ER. She woke up with some very scary symptoms. Some of the comments were ridiculous; such as: “don’t take meds they give you, or if you do, only for a short time to get it under control then go off of them.” Seriously?! Common sense?? We ALL know at least a couple people who live perfectly normal healthy lives on many years of pharmaceuticals. My step dad has been on high BP pills since his 20s; his is genetic. My mother’s thyroid quit working completely in her 40s and she had to go on synthroid (there is no alternative when there is little to no function); she is now in her 70s. My grandmother lived well into her 80s while taking prescriptions the last 20 or so years of her life. Would you tell a diabetic they can find an “insulin alternative?”
Other smaller examples: thinking everyone that gets cancer should do natural healing such as “the anti cancer diet,” rather than surgery and chemotherapy. Thinking a healthy diet means the same thing for everyone, such as saying fruits and veggies are unhealthy for ALL. Using the last 3-4 years as an example, saying everyone should be REQUIRED to get \/accX’ed.
Here is where things got personal for me. I was getting tired of seeing so many so-called crunchy friends making posts and comments on Facebook along the lines of diet this, and diet that, being healthy is cutting out food groups, or healthiest way to lose weight is eating nothing but meat and butter and fats. I know from both personal experience and books/research, that this kind of thinking is the #1 reason eating disorders develop. (Not suggesting *everyone* develops an eating disorder, although you’d think that’s exactly what I was saying by the responses to a post I did).
I made a post about this very thing, then another one coming out of the closet as “ED healed.” I want to break the silence. I wanted people to know I am there for them, if they are possibly suffering in silence. You would think I had just admitted to being a serial killer. Here’s the thing: with very rare exception, the way to heal eating disorders is regular meals (no intermittent fasting for example), intuitively eating (your body may be craving something that has a nutrient you have been deficient in), and not labeling foods as inherently “good” or “bad.” Food is neutral, you just eat and enjoy your food. (The healed foodie in me loves this).
Quick educational halt: Eating disorders have a mortality rate, and it’s possible to get hospitalized on an IV, or worse. You can die from, or have residual organ damage. You can die from, or have residual damage from, a damaged esophagus. Etc. Also to add: I took an online class from the IPE (institute of the psychology of eating). The main takeaway for me was: if you constantly worry over what you eat and/or feel stressed while eating, you do not properly digest your food. And a stress response also lowers immunity and can make you sick, no matter if what you are eating is the healthiest thing known to man. In other words, simply being present and enjoying your food, whether it’s kale or cake, is the healthiest thing you can do for your body!
People had ALL kinds of opinions and nasty comments on my post. People I strongly suspect have no firsthand knowledge or experience with full-blown eating disorders. I say “full-blown” because there are people who *can* crash diet, say, before an event like a wedding and lose a few pounds, then be fine afterwards. They just resume eating like a normal person. Doesn’t mean they *should* do this; I am just pointing out that not 100% of people who go on a diet develop an eating disorder.
These comments ranged from simply saying “you’re wrong,” then blocking me, to mocking the wording, to laugh reacting. There was also talk of what one should NEVER be justified in eating, as well as an obese person (I know this because they have posted their height/weight for “keto” purposes) who wouldn’t leave the issue alone. Kept commenting ad nauseum on the 3 different posts I made about unhealthy/healthy eating. What the worst part about this all was, was these were ALL people who were on my friends’ list, but literally never before gave a like, a comment, a support on anything else of mine. (That speaks to their character, AND it also partly speaks to the divisive algo rhythm social media wishes to create, but that’s a separate topic.)
So, let’s break this down in several ways. 1) who wants to live the rest of their life not eating the birthday cake? Or going to a cookout or other function with food and not eat because you are too worried everything being served is “processed” or “has sugar or chemicals?” Or, when traveling, maybe miss out on that little family-owned, hole-in-the-wall diner that has amazing food for the same reason? Not me. 2) You do realize you cannot live a 100% toxin-free life, right? It’s just not going to happen. Even our airways get sprayed, and you cannot just hold your breath. 3) I am free; are you? Certainly not the folks picking apart MY eating habits. When I healed, I released my obsession with food, weight, worrying about every little morsel going into my mouth. People are so obsessed with food, chemicals, etc, they aren’t free to just live life. 4) Medical freedom? The thing the crunchy act so passionate about; finding a remedy that works for the individual. No one-size-fits-all. Yet I am not free to heal my ED by eating foods you don’t? 5) Where is the humanity, humility, and just plain common sense? You aren’t happy I survived? Further, we all have things to overcome, as no one is perfect. That’s where the humility should come in. And I don’t have to explain common sense; if a car is coming, you get out of the road…just like if you have something wrong with you, you find a way to fix it that works for you.
If you’ve made it to the end, I humbly thank you. This was longer than I anticipated. A favor….can we start a movement of #crunchycommonsense?
Deff not dropping this to offend, but I’m sure there will be that one….ABSOLUTELY should we aspire to be healthy, but imho, once you fully awaken, you also recognize the diet industry for what it is. They don’t make money if you are at peace with your soul’s covering (skin). Sort of like medical doesn’t make money if you heal yourself.
It will always make me super sad when I see on Facebook things like, “I can’t wait to lose these last 5 pounds.” Or “you get to eat whatever you want from the YES list.” Or anything about keto, vegan, strict recipes/meal planning etc.
Again, since there’s always that ONE, I’m obviously not referring to food allergies or diabetics or extenuating circumstances.
I am FREE you guys. I just EAT. I am a foodie and used to beat myself up about that. No more. Beating yourself up never works. I don’t count anything. Food isn’t constantly on my mind. I don’t have anxiety around food because I’m at a party or gathering and it’s “forbidden.” 5 or 10 little extra pounds seem so insignificant in the big picture of life.
I got rid of my scale sometime around the beginning of 2018. For a weird reason at first; I bought a house that seriously only had hard floor rather than carpet in one tiny spot; the front door entry. I loved that house but it was a carpeted nightmare haha! But I felt so free after! I even completely stopped looking when they weighed me at doctor appointments. Told them not to tell me. Like who cares about a random number? Does it make me less of a person? Do I need to let a number ruin my day or week?
I am not the distorted size (2) or weight (130 at 5’10”?!?) I used to strive for. BUT I no longer see ugliness and fat when I look in the mirror. I am HAPPY. I have so much gratitude I have food to enjoy.
Now, you might ask, what about those that TRULY have weight and/or health issues related to weight (either too thin or too heavy). I am here to tell you that utter, true, soul deep acceptance of yourself at the point you are at THIS moment and individual moments hereafter will, more often than not, right this. Being grateful, happy, and listening to your body while you eat will subconsciously lessen your stress, which helps you digest better, and makes you far less likely to overeat or binge. On the flip side, these same things will help folks that are too thin find their “weight set point.” Listening to your body helps you decide what to eat which becomes fun, not “oh I HAVE to eat this so I’m thin.”
There’s only a few things to know: there’s no good food or bad food; just FOOD. Remember the miraculous things your body does for you everyday! We are merely a soul walking this earth with an outer covering. And last, you may need to buy new clothes….if you’re like me, that’s the fun part ♥️
Look what’s going on in the world. No one’s tomorrow is promised. If you are gone tomorrow will you be happy you “stuck to your meal plan” or like me, happy you savored every bite of your dessert the day before?
Fall seems to be a season of observation and introspection, at least for me. I’d like to talk about something I’ve noticed several times over the years, but also quite a bit recently: thoughts on what is sometimes referred to as “empty nest syndrome,” or even more simply, feelings as our babies turn another year old and eventually become adults.
I do have a disclaimer before diving in. This change and how it is viewed varies from person to person partly due to personality and upbringing. Take me, for example; I am an extreme introvert and an only child. I was raised quietly and also learned from a very early age to depend on myself for entertainment. I had an active imagination and loved to read and do quiet activities. I am also an HSP so I can get overstimulated easily.
I am also not one to judge. The following are examples (with no judgement) of things said to me, or that I’ve read on social media in regards to children growing up or feelings on being an empty nester: “I have no idea what to do with myself when my children aren’t around.” “As soon as all my children were school age and not babies, I fell into a deep depression.” “I’m having a hard time with my child just turning X age, because it means Y.”
It’s definitely true that we always picture our kids “Forever Young” just like the Rod Stewart song says.
After I had mine, I looked at them and loved seeing what milestone was next; loved seeing their personalities unfold; loved as they got older that it was easier and more fun to play since they could talk and understand what I was saying. I loved more sleep, no diapers, less crying. In a way, it was a little like watching a movie or reading a good book; you can’t wait to see what’s next.
In Buddhism, they speak of being mindful. Basically savoring every moment; living in the present without looking forward or back. I truly think that is an excellent way to parent. I’m not sure who said “living in the past causing depression and living in the future causes anxiety” but this also applies to parents. I’m in no way suggesting that you don’t plan ahead, or look back on great memories! It’s a balance of looking back fondly on your memories, but not dwelling; looking forward to who they will become, but don’t worry.
I also feel certain that it is imperative, a literal healthy necessity, for parents to have their own identity, their own friends and interests. To make their relationship with their partner if applicable the priority, because kids grow into adults one day and move out. You don’t want to be looking at a stranger at that time. It’s also healthy for kids to see this. They need to grow up knowing friends, interests, self-care, etc, is important. Think about this: would you want your kids to grow up and think their kids are their ONLY identity? Do you want to raise well-rounded individuals?
I love that my time is 100% my own now. I can focus on my goals, my art. I’m definitely not suggesting you cannot do these things with small children, but it’s so much harder. I put my kids first then; and now, I can throw myself into my goals and plans while still watching them evolve as adults. I think some parents are sad “they don’t need me anymore.” The fact is your kids always need you, your relationship just grows and you are not “in control” anymore. If you can embrace that, they will still come to you for occasional advice, help, and want you around.
Change and seasons, while difficult at times, are inevitable. Having good friends to talk with helps, meditation can help. My children are grown and what helps me is knowing I can pat myself on the back for a pretty good job. 🙂. My kids are healthy, smart, kind individuals. I may not agree with everything they do, but I didn’t want clones; I want them to follow their own dreams. My oldest, in fact, is in college to be an anesthesiologist; she applies to medical schools in the next year or so. My youngest is learning 2 other languages and loves spiritual stuff like me. The movie will continue to unfold and I’m still enjoying it immensely! ♥️
It’s definitely Fall now, which many of us love. It’s a time to pause, reflect, get cozy. In fact, it’s a kind of “new year” celebration for those spiritual folks that honor the seasons; we start to hibernate and go within, and set intentions for seeds that may sprout in the coming spring.
It’s also the start of “spooky season.” I never really noticed this before, however, my Facebook list has really grown and become more diverse in some ways. Due to that, I’ve noticed something…odd? Disturbing?
So many are labeling so many things as evil. Things like Halloween, documentaries about real life events, yoga, meditation, herbal remedies, you name it.
Now, most of my friends know I am first and foremost about freedom as long as you aren’t hurting your neighbors. #libertarian. Freedom for ALL, whether I agree with your views or not. So, I really don’t care if you think even the most benign thing is evil. However, I am going to explain a couple of reasons why this is wrong, and possibly even dangerous.
Number one. As an intuitive, I truly believe this is what “evil” or “the darkness” wants. When the more “unsure” types of people have others telling them everything is evil, it’s confusing. It leads to fear. Fear feeds evil. Fear has caused segregation, violence, lynchings, burnings. Here’s an example: maybe someone has joint and mobility issues with anxiety. Friends tell them yoga (stretching essentially) and herbal remedies are evil, so they do nothing and suffer. Or worse, maybe they go to the doctor who prescribes them meds with terrible side effects, leading them to do something terrible. In other words, who are we to tell anyone what is evil or not; how is finding relief from suffering in a way that doesn’t affect others, evil? Do we really think a kind and loving divine creator would throw someone in “the fiery pits of hell” for finding relief from their suffering? And remember, not everyone believes in the heaven/hell concept so I’m simply explaining in this way so everyone understands what I mean.
One more point; if you trust the divine creator with all your heart, and trust his power to keep you safe from harm, how does watching anything on television harm you? Example being the serial killer documentary I see folks labeling as dangerous or evil. There was an interview with a gal from Texas who said you could be cursed through the television by watching a specific movie. I guess she doesn’t trust the creator in the same way I do.
I once saw someone on Facebook saying something to the effect of, because so-and-so was the father of modern hypnosis and uses holistic healing, it’s evil. Here’s the thing; intention is everything. ANYTHING has the potential to be perverted and corrupted. There are people with evil intentions in all walks of life, all faiths, all religions. If your intention is simply health and healing, how is that evil? How is the entire practice or religion wrong just because you disagree with one person’s interpretation? Is the entire Catholic religion bad because of a few bad priests? Are all police officers bad because of a few bad ones? I personally reject black and white thinking.
Here is one big myth busted, to keep in mind if and when you don’t agree with someone’s religion or spiritual practice: meditation, Buddhism, and witchcraft are all PRACTICES, not religions. You can actually be a Christian or Muslim who meditates. Everyone’s journey is their own.
Here’s point number 2. I know people who have healed addictions, criminal thinking, eating disorders, even physical illnesses with Buddhism, meditation, tarot cards, i.e. developing a very personal spiritual relationship with the divine. They also found boundless JOY! Should they stay sick or addicted or lack joy because their religion or spiritual practice is “evil?” In my humble opinion, trying to steal someone’s joy is the true evil…
In closing, I’d like to leave you with 2 thought provoking questions; 1) did you know that many times, gay and transgender people feel more comfortable coming out of the closet than some practicing witches do? And 2) upon death, assuming you must answer the creator for your wrongdoings in life, will you answer for yours or your neighbors?
It took me over 40 years to figure this out. But love and one’s spiritual journey are intertwined, whether they realize it or not. My spiritual journey began around age 36. And one thing I learned that really stood out is when you love someone, you free them. They are free to be themselves, free to make choices without fear of being judged harshly, free to pursue their passions or interests.
When you love someone, I mean REALLY, truly love them, they are free. You feel zero need to use the words “you should.” You don’t try to manipulate them to get the result you want. You don’t control them. You don’t pressure them.
When it’s this way, everything just flows. There’s no tug-of-war, no uphill battle; in many ways, no compromise needed because you are just on the same wavelength. You don’t feel the need to hide things, such as excitement over a new hobby they might judge as silly. You don’t have to walk on eggshells. You don’t need validation or compliments from others; in fact they become a turnoff most times. You don’t try to keep their attention because you know you have it, yet you are both free; free in each other.
Let me give some examples, big and small: I once made the remark how much I wish I didn’t need the amount of sleep I did to function. Dan said, “nope, don’t say things like that, because if any little thing was different, you wouldn’t be YOU.” (free to be me). Another time, I was talking about putting a large jewelry armoire in our yard sale; saying, “I have too much jewelry anyway, I should get rid of some plus this” (the armoire). Dan simply said, “why?” So simple, yet so profound….almost everyone in my life, from the time I was a child, would say at various times that I have “too much.” (free to collect what makes me happy). I have also made decisions with a retirement account I have, and although I of course discussed this with Dan, he always insisted it was money I earned and whatever I decided was fine. (trusting me to be free to make financial decisions). Obviously, this is an example because in the past, bigger decisions like these, were never just mine; someone had partial control. Real or imagined. I even had someone *try* controlling who was on my Facebook friends list; now I am not even questioned about a single thing on there. I am so free, that all I want is to bask in the beauty in what I have finally found.
People aren’t meant to be kept in cages.
I am free to finally pursue what makes me happy, whether that is a class, certification, job, or hobby. No fear of judgment, or pressure because I might not bring in as much money. If I could give young people any advice, so that relationships and marriages would actually LAST, it would be to find your spiritual path; the one that makes you feel like you are 100% home, then the rest falls into place, including finding the mate that makes you feel like you are home.
Lighter subject today! I’ve been asked several times over the last few years about my hair care routine. I grew it from my chin to my waist in approximately 5 years time. It probably would have taken a little less time, but I collected tips and learned so much I didn’t know over the first couple years and my routine definitely evolved. So here goes: 😃
The very first thing I began is probably the most obvious: I started taking hair skin and nails vitamins. Brands are more preference and personal choice. Maybe try a couple for a couple months each to see if one works better for you. I’ve attached photos of a few I like. Also, disclaimer *** there really truly ARE some people who just cannot grow super long, healthy looking hair unfortunately. Usually due to genetics or illness. I’m big on, if it looks stringy or thin or scraggly, it’s just not meant to be super long. Just my opinion. For me personally, that’s my nails! I take all these supplements for all that, and I still have awful nails that break as soon as they are past my fingertips.
After about 6 months to a year, I added unflavored powered collagen to the mix. I realllly noticed a difference about 3-6 months after that! Around this time, I watched a few YouTube videos of hair care tips. Unfortunately this was so long ago, I can’t remember them to able to link them, so I’ll just list some of the things they mentioned that I personally do.
1) Do NOT wash your hair more than you absolutely have to. Dry shampoo is your friend! Personally my scalp isn’t super oily, so I usually wash twice a week in summer, and can sometimes push it to once a week in winter. Your hair and scalp needs natural oils!
2) Give up heat and hairspray as much as possible. I noticed another huge difference in growth after breaking the hairspray habit, and as a bonus, your bathroom stays cleaner 😉. Maybe once a year or so if there’s a special occasion, I use these, but that’s it. And air dry for the win! Edit to add: do NOT expect your hair to grow, grow, grow, and look naturally amazing if you are at your hairdresser every 6-8 weeks getting color, highlights, roots done, etc. Especially if you are doing drastic color (dark brown to blonde or vice versa). Your hair will not work miracles for you if you are always doing damaging things to it. Yes, I do highlights BUT it’s only twice year. And I’m naturally dishwater blonde so it’s not a drastic treatment in my case.
3) Do not brush your hair any more than you absolutely have to, and use bamboo-bristle brushes AND wide tooth comb (when wet). Be gentle and start at the ends and work your way up. My hair is naturally easily knotted and tangled, so I also occasionally use a brush by the brand name of “tangle teezer” and a spray detangler after I wash. Favorite brand is it’s a 10. Be gentle when drying it with your towel, don’t rub! Wrap the ends and squeeze into the towel.
4) About every other time you wash, use a scalp scrub and a silicone scalp massager. Exfoliating is not just good for face and body!
5) If you are generally very gentle with your hair by following these tips, regular trims are NOT necessary. Use your best judgement in this, you know your hair best. Personally, I go get a half to one inch cut off about twice a year.
6) Once it’s long enough, at night to sleep, brush it, and put a little hair oil at JUST THE ENDS. Then either braid it or put it on the very top of your head in a loose bun. It keeps it from knotting or getting in your face. Shown below are bun pins I’m obsessed with! Also, switch to satin pillowcases; they are better for both hair and skin!
7) Ok, this part has been so important for me…before washing, rub hair oils all over, scalp to ends, then put it in a bun and let it sit. If time permits, for several hours! Easiest is to sleep like this, then wash in the morning. I use CRISAN beauty all natural 50+ oil blend. (Linked below). It’s amazing stuff!!! Full disclosure; I recently became an affiliate for them and I’m super excited! I do use a couple others as additional benefits, such as pure rosemary oil front and center of my crown. That’s excellent for growth. Pure castor and black seed oil as extras occasionally, as well as tea tree, which is good if you sometimes get itchy scalp.
8) You’ll need to wash your hair twice to get all the oil out and my preference is shampoo rotation. There are brands to stay away from as they have questionable ingredients. I like color wow, Giovanni, desert essence, and klorane just to name a few. Afterwards, put in your conditioner (only bottom half of hair), clip it out of the way while you finish your shower, then rinse.
This may all sound time consuming and overwhelming, but once you get into your groove with it, it’s soooo worth it!
Both are important. And no, I’m not referring to money, or material possessions, however, in certain context they tie in.
Disclaimer* though. Everyone is different; raised different, so many different perceptions, life experiences, so this is written from mine and mine alone.
What is your value? Do you value your worth? Do you feel worthy? Do you value others and their worth? Because let’s face it, everyone has value, even if it’s simply to teach you a lesson (I know, it stinks) or show you what NOT to do. If you do not value yourself or think you are worthy, you tend to put up with things you should not. I know that for too many years, this described me.
While I do feel this kind of thing begins in childhood, that’s another topic for another time. I am going to give examples from my adult life.
Now, I’ve always been mostly humble, never felt entitled or that anything was “owed” to me. But there’s a fine line I used to be on the other side of; one side not feeling worthy of what I had, wanted, or needed. And being humble yet grateful for those things on the other side.
I was married a long time, and at first, like many couples, it was living paycheck to paycheck. Unfortunately, we shared a bank account, and if we went negative because I stopped to buy bread and lunch meat, I’d get an earful. Around this same early time, I opened a store credit card cause I desperately needed a few new work outfits and got an earful. However, when he opened credit, or drained our account for his wants, I eventually stopped saying anything. It wasn’t worth it. Also over the years he was usually quick to let me know what faults of mine could be “fixed”…..And I felt not-worth-it.
After my separation, I did go a bit crazy and bought stuff I’m sure I didn’t need, but I think in a way, I was showing myself I was worth it. I then was in a long-term relationship with someone who showered me with gifts *at first* so at the beginning, I felt valued. We even talked here and there of marriage, but that ended up being just a lot of complaints from him about “it’s not right that women’s wedding rings are so much more expensive than men’s.” Then, little by little, it was “I can’t afford to get you a birthday gift right now,” but suddenly had his own new items. Or, accusing me of using him for money if I asked to borrow gas money. This finally culminated in him leaving me and my daughter homeless for a few weeks. (This would probably make most people feel unworthy!)
After all this, I was bored (and sad and daydreaming) one night at work, so I was cruising the internet. I happened upon the ring on the left. I would occasionally go back and look, drool, and sigh over it, but the whole time would think, “there is NO WAY a man will ever want to buy me a ring like this.” Again, didn’t feel my worth.
I began another long term relationship, and this time the joke was on me; he used me financially. Then I got ghosted by 2 long distance “relationships” and went on a couple dates (one of which was never afraid to tell me what I “should” or “shouldn’t” do) but I’m not going to get too much into these because by now, I’d been on my spiritual journey for awhile and had learned so much, plus I had my own house. Ahh, that house; some of my best and worst life experiences happened in that house. It was my refuge, I knew I’d be ok as long as I didn’t lose it (financially).
I clearly remember the day that my inner spirit guide came over me. I froze in the dining room, and the voice said, “that’s it. I’m going to paint, and take classes, and meet friends when I want, and just have fun. “No man is going to convince me to be with him and only him unless he is perfect, and smart, and not <emotionally or otherwise> broke, and handsome inside and out, and VALUES ME JUST THE WAY I AM, and practically worships the ground I walk on.” Yes, this is a run on sentence and might sound horribly egotistical to some….I’m simply passing on the message I got. 😃
I was happily preparing for my new single life but just a few short weeks later, my friend Cheryl said, “there is someone you need to meet, he is just as nice as you.” 😬. I told her it needed to wait (he was cleaning up some things in his life too) but that I’d start talking to him soon. She was a sneak 😁 because it was not long before my birthday, she asked for my address to send me a card but on my birthday, flowers showed up instead! The rest really is history you guys. ~~~Once I saw myself as worthy, the perfect man appeared.~~~ A year and a half after we became official he took me rock hunting 😉. The photo on the right is the very first ring I tried on….so I was wrong; yes way would a man get me the ring. It just had to be the right man for me. ♥️
Thank you for joining my page, I am glad you are here! A Facebook post would have been too long, so I am here to explain my intent and goals for my business page. Again, I would be so grateful if you would please share my page with anyone you think might enjoy or benefit from it.
I have found, in my own life, a solid spiritual practice is the foundation to a great life filled with purpose, meaning, and happiness. Secondary, but in most ways, just as important, is being unapologetically YOU. I am not sure about everyone else, but I realized in my mid-30s, I was “me” but kind of a watered-down version. I was, to an extent, living in a way to make sure others approved of me.
I began a gradual spiritual quest around that same time, and at first, I was simply a sponge; soaking up information and enjoying every second. I went to Catholic services, studied meditation, chakras/eastern medicine, supplements and herbs, affirmations, law of attraction, started collecting crystals, I was on a MISSION! I even took a course on the psychology of eating and started painting! The biggest thing that stood out at that time was intuition; following your gut feeling. I began working on that and found that the times where things were going wrong for me, I was in my head, not my gut. I could feel, to the core of my being, I was on the right path, and it was exciting! I was having FUN and was passionate about what I was learning!
I now feel so much better being weird ol’ ME haha, and I have such a passion for all my knowledge that I want to pass it on to anyone this resonates with. If you want some help finding a spiritual path, or are just curious about learning more about some of what I’m talking about, send me a message. I also have went through the mud to get to the amazing relationship I am in now, and feel I can contribute some advice there. I am also thinking of selling some jewelry and artwork. There will be fun on my page too, jokes, inspirational/spiritual memes, etc. Feel free to post your own too!
I am starting by offering a 30 min messenger chat or voice call for free to see if what I am offering is a fit for your situation. Please let me know if I can help you!
Exploding glitter box 