Value and worth.

Both are important. And no, I’m not referring to money, or material possessions, however, in certain context they tie in.

Disclaimer* though. Everyone is different; raised different, so many different perceptions, life experiences, so this is written from mine and mine alone.

What is your value? Do you value your worth? Do you feel worthy? Do you value others and their worth? Because let’s face it, everyone has value, even if it’s simply to teach you a lesson (I know, it stinks) or show you what NOT to do. If you do not value yourself or think you are worthy, you tend to put up with things you should not. I know that for too many years, this described me.

While I do feel this kind of thing begins in childhood, that’s another topic for another time. I am going to give examples from my adult life.

Now, I’ve always been mostly humble, never felt entitled or that anything was “owed” to me. But there’s a fine line I used to be on the other side of; one side not feeling worthy of what I had, wanted, or needed. And being humble yet grateful for those things on the other side.

I was married a long time, and at first, like many couples, it was living paycheck to paycheck. Unfortunately, we shared a bank account, and if we went negative because I stopped to buy bread and lunch meat, I’d get an earful. Around this same early time, I opened a store credit card cause I desperately needed a few new work outfits and got an earful. However, when he opened credit, or drained our account for his wants, I eventually stopped saying anything. It wasn’t worth it. Also over the years he was usually quick to let me know what faults of mine could be “fixed”…..And I felt not-worth-it.

After my separation, I did go a bit crazy and bought stuff I’m sure I didn’t need, but I think in a way, I was showing myself I was worth it. I then was in a long-term relationship with someone who showered me with gifts *at first* so at the beginning, I felt valued. We even talked here and there of marriage, but that ended up being just a lot of complaints from him about “it’s not right that women’s wedding rings are so much more expensive than men’s.” Then, little by little, it was “I can’t afford to get you a birthday gift right now,” but suddenly had his own new items. Or, accusing me of using him for money if I asked to borrow gas money. This finally culminated in him leaving me and my daughter homeless for a few weeks. (This would probably make most people feel unworthy!)

After all this, I was bored (and sad and daydreaming) one night at work, so I was cruising the internet. I happened upon the ring on the left. I would occasionally go back and look, drool, and sigh over it, but the whole time would think, “there is NO WAY a man will ever want to buy me a ring like this.” Again, didn’t feel my worth.

I began another long term relationship, and this time the joke was on me; he used me financially. Then I got ghosted by 2 long distance “relationships” and went on a couple dates (one of which was never afraid to tell me what I “should” or “shouldn’t” do) but I’m not going to get too much into these because by now, I’d been on my spiritual journey for awhile and had learned so much, plus I had my own house. Ahh, that house; some of my best and worst life experiences happened in that house. It was my refuge, I knew I’d be ok as long as I didn’t lose it (financially).

I clearly remember the day that my inner spirit guide came over me. I froze in the dining room, and the voice said, “that’s it. I’m going to paint, and take classes, and meet friends when I want, and just have fun. “No man is going to convince me to be with him and only him unless he is perfect, and smart, and not <emotionally or otherwise> broke, and handsome inside and out, and VALUES ME JUST THE WAY I AM, and practically worships the ground I walk on.” Yes, this is a run on sentence and might sound horribly egotistical to some….I’m simply passing on the message I got. 😃

I was happily preparing for my new single life but just a few short weeks later, my friend Cheryl said, “there is someone you need to meet, he is just as nice as you.” 😬. I told her it needed to wait (he was cleaning up some things in his life too) but that I’d start talking to him soon. She was a sneak 😁 because it was not long before my birthday, she asked for my address to send me a card but on my birthday, flowers showed up instead! The rest really is history you guys. ~~~Once I saw myself as worthy, the perfect man appeared.~~~ A year and a half after we became official he took me rock hunting 😉. The photo on the right is the very first ring I tried on….so I was wrong; yes way would a man get me the ring. It just had to be the right man for me. ♥️